Doctor Who

Sorry for no entry yesterday. I was resting after getting a filing done. Thank goodness I got that over with.

The new series (Brits call it series instead of seasons) of Doctor Who starts in two days. They have been releasing a mini web series daily since Monday leading up to Saturday. They are wonderful little tidbits. My friend also just watch the entire second half of series 6 today. She sent me her commentary and I could reminisce about the episodes. It also reminded me I need to watch at least the last one Saturday afternoon.

I really need to a better entry about my love of Doctor Who but this will be a little taste. I am sure I will have more to talk about after Saturday!

Girl Time

I just had a nice dinner with two of my cousins. It was nice to spend some girl time together. I have really been enjoying getting close to my cousins now that we're adults. Plus, every girl needs some girl time.

It is usually around this time that I miss one of my dear friends the most. My friend lives out of state and has since we graduated high school. We've maintained our relationship over school breaks, visits to each other's homes, texts and phone calls. She gets me in a way that not all of my friends (though I love them so much) do. I wish we could just hop in a car and grab coffee or go on impromptu adventures.

We'll have to maintain on those texts and phone calls for now. Maybe someday we will be in the same state again. And if not, we'll have to get started Facetiming!

Spooky Story

I really want to write something creative and fictional but I am not finding a place to start at the moment. I need to try and write earlier in the day. I think that would help.

Maybe I'll write a little Halloween story. I am a Fall person as I've previously said. I know that isn't something most Southern Californian residents admit seeing as we don't really have "real" Fall. But Fall holds some of my favorite things: My birthday, Halloween, pumpkin carving, pumpkin flavored things (bread, drinks, etc), that Christmas is around the corner....

I have always loved Halloween. I have always having an excuse to dress up. There was one Halloween when I was probably 9 that I wore a costume to school but I decided that I wanted to wear something different for trick or treating. I completely changed and put together a different costume. I am sure my mom loved spending money on the costume for me to not wear it all day.

To this day, it isn't hard to give me an excuse to dress up. I wore a bow tie to work today. I liked it. I think I have my idea for my work costume for Halloween already too, but it might change. It usually does.

Now I think I'll start working on ideas for a Halloween short story!

On a Sunday night...

Well next week is starting whether I want it to or not. It's going to be busy and I'm not looking forward to everything in store for the week but there are some glimpses of good to look forward to. That is what Sunday night is about. The dread versus the hope. Well I am going to snuggle with my pup and try and focus on the hope for that is what I will remember longer.

Hanging on

Well I missed yesterday so I was determined to write today. I made it spin again this morning. It was a bit harder than last week but I am finding a small groove. I think if I can try adding something I couldn't do the week before, I will be on a good course for a bit.

I also went to Gold Rush Tattoo to investigate setting up an appointment. No appointment today but I did get some information to help me tweak my idea for the design. I was a little befuddled about what to do for a little bit, but my friend Jenna, had a great solution that I think will capture what I want, the size and way I want it.

So tomorrow I have to really buckle down and get some have-tos done. I can do it!

Motivation

I feel my motivation starting to wane. I know I am just having a funky week, but it is a little hard to kick. I can't seem to pinpoint something to jumpstart me out of it. I think I am feeling overwhelmed by my have-tos that I want to do nothing at all. I promise myself that by the end of the weekend that I'll get my closet cleaned out again and organized, or at least on a good road towards that. Next on my list, I think will be floors. The downstairs needs a sweep/vacuum desperately. And dishes. And... see, this is my vicious cycle.

I fee like painting too. I don't know what to paint but I feel like that's a weekend project and the weather has been so icky I haven't wanted to sit outside to do some. I think excuses are the name of the game. I've been so good about moving forward on some of my goals, maybe I just out of shape with my goal meeting skills. Am I that not used to getting things done that I've set goals for so I feel like that they must make up for the ones I haven't made good on yet? Maybe.

Well hopefully I can fling this funk soon. I'll keep you posted.

Hello

Hi there. My brain is a bit tired but I needed to write today. :) more to come later!

Rowdie

My husband and I have a dog named Rowdie. We adopted him two years ago this last Monday. He is fantastic. He's cuddling with my right now even though its 81 degrees in the house. He can be a pain and needs some more training but he has brought a ton of joy to us over the last two years. He always looks funny, either goofy or pathetic. He follows us everywhere and just wants to be touching one or both of us! He usually knows when I need a kiss or a snuggle. He also knows just when to surprise attack us with a smelly fart. He does a great impression of Justin Timerlake singing "Cry me a river..." I love our little man. Happy adopt-a-verary Rowdie!

I'm Just A Broadway Baby

I just got home from a preview of the Sergstrom Performing Arts Center's 2012-2013 season. It looks like it will be a good season. I love Broadway, I always have. I took vocal lessons a little girl, learning to sing the song from the title of my blog and others. I also learned about Broadwy's brightest, at the time, Andrew Llyod Webber. I told my mom, probably around 3-4 years old, that when I move to New York City someday to not be sad because I'd send her a postcard.

While my aspirations changed, I never will give up the dream of performing Broadway greats on stage. It always captures my imagination and I can't help but pick out what part I'd dream to play after the lights come up.

I've had the good fortune of seeing one of the shows on Broadway this last February, Sister Act. It's a great show and I am excited to see it again. They are also bringing WarHorse. It looks amazing. They brought out the main puppet horse, Joey. It was so beautiful and moving. So innovative and creative. I'm excited about seeing the whole thing.

I'll have to pull out some of my soundtracks to get in the mood! Come along and listen to the lullaby of Broadway....

Foggy

I'm back! It's been a good weekend. I've put off a lot of my chores but you have to do this once in a while. I'm feeling a little foggy at the moment. I think part of it has to do with the weather. I am very tired of being covered with a film of sweat from 24 hours a day. I am getting a headache from wearing my thick ponytail all weekend so I can have my hair off my neck.

My thoughts are foggy too. There is so much swirling around, I can't land on anything. It makes it hard to focus on getting things done. Hopefully, I ca get a little more sleep, drink a little more water and I'll clear the fog out.

I'll go take care of that now :) Hope everyone has a good start of their week!

First time for everything

Well, I forgot to blog yesterday. I thought about it but it didn't happen. I'll try to write twice today! I survived spin! It was great. Thanks to Leigh for being a great, motivational instructor! I'm excited to try it again.

Ok, I'll try and write more later today!

Hooray! The Weekend!

Well I'm officially headed to spin in the morning. I hope I am not getting in over my head but I think I can do it! I'll let you know tomorrow. :)

Friday's A-Coming

This has been a fairly quick week. I'm okay with that for the moment. I've been focused and distracted all at the same time. I feel like my weekends can sometimes reset my brain for stuff like that. I think it is a slight lack of sleep too. Last night I heard a mysterious set of beeps around 2:45am. I woke up Jeremy to make sure the house wasn't going to explode or something. We couldn't find the source but I was able to go back to bed after he checked and we had some laughs making noises, fart noises more specifically. I am not about a good fart sound or joke. I'll be completely honest. Even my mom knows it. Even with getting back to sleep it was so close to my alarm that I am dragging a little here at the end of the day. I did get some inspiration for writing out of it. I'll take that I guess.

Tomorrow doesn't seem to be eventful yet so that's good. I hope I don't jinx myself by saying so. If I do, hopefully that just means it will go faster. I'm ready for some veg time.

8.15.12

I can't believe that the month is half over! I am excited we are getting closer to Fall but time moves too fast sometimes.

I am ready for pumpkin carving, pumpkin pie, trying to find a Halloween costume, cooler weather....

It will all come soon!!

Research

So today was a good day for research for my novel! I think I found some helpful things in creating to world of my story. I watched a special feature of the first series of Doctor Who last night. Russel T. Davies, who helped revive Doctor Who, was making a video diary of the first few weeks of the series. He spoke about writing the show. He talked about how you have of to own the world you are writing about. He said how intimidating that is for Doctor Who. It gave me some confidence that even the pros have difficulty conquering. Though I don't have to work within the confines of a preset world, I do have pretty wide possibilities like Doctor Who. I just need just enough fact to make it real but enough confidence in the story that I don't need to rely on that fact to make it work.

Woohoo to writing!

Another Monday

Back to the grind today. It felt like a productive day today. I have a bunch of personal stuff to attend to after my full weekend. That's pretty average though. I want to get back to my sewing machine or my hand-stitching soon. I told myself I couldn't buy fabric when we go to Hawaii unless I get my dress done and at least one more shirt for Jeremy, seeing as I have had fabric from our honeymoon four years ago that I just got around to using for his shirt. I still have enough for a matching dress and yardage of two other patterns for shirts. Not to mention all the other fabric I have for aprons and other projects I've told myself I'd eventually get to. I will, I just should stop adding to that pile and finish what I have. It will still sit though. I'm a changing woman but I can't change that fast.

It has been so humid and hot, it is hard to find motivation to do anything, let alone some of my crafty stuff. I have a good chunk of housework that I know I need to do, but dissolve it away by saying, oh, I've worked so hard today, I need a break. Or one of many other reasons that seem totally valid but still don't make the chores go away.

I'm on day 7 of my water drinking too. I know I keep mentioning it, but I am stoked I am actually following through on this. Yesterday I don't think I got the amount I should have with the heat, but I still put in a very strong effort. More than I would have let's say, 8 days ago. I think it helping I have been seeing some results. I have slightly less foot pain and less tendency for charlie horses in my calves while I am hydrated. I also have lost some weight by not drinking sugary drinks at lunch time. I will allow myself a glass of juice once a day and on long days, I'll have a soda or beer. It's amazing what your shorts being almost too loose can do for confidence levels! I wish my confidence wasn't so affected by that but, I guess every little bit counts towards happiness.

While I am on this motivated kick, I think Saturday might be my first spin class. A sorority sister teaches a class on Saturdays at YAS in Costa Mesa. She referred me to a special that Plum District was running so I bought it. Now onto the actual using of it. I think Saturday will be a good day to start. I've got a meeting with the sorority advisors later, but I have plenty of time to have my ass served to me on those spin bikes. Maybe I'll find my new found passion. Maybe I won't. All I know is, I am going to try, try, try.

Checking off the bucket list

I am very proud of myself today. I tried something I've always been interested in trying. I auditioned for Disneyland, specifically the Christmas Fantasy Parade. I was not prepared for the choreography but I went for it with all I've got. I am proud of my effort and my calmness during the process. Right after I got a surge of adrenaline. I got all shaky and light headed. But I calmed myself down and kept smiling. I'll be able to enjoy my friend in the parade and not lose the holidays with my husband no that he'll be out of school so it is still a win. And I definitely didn't feel out of place while I was there so that made me feel good too.

Now I am really looking forward to Fall. It is my favorite time of year. And this one should be special with all that's coming. I can go into it with a fresh start and confidence having tried today and with the willingness to continue trying things like this. And this blog. I've officially written for seven days. Another thing to be proud of for sure.

I have a happy heart!

First Weekend Day

Well it might be difficult writing on the weekends. I didn't even think of it till dinner tonight. I'm glad I was reminded by one of my readers ;)

It's been a long day so the brain isn't working great so another short post. The weather today has been like we are in Hawaii. Humid and breezy at times. I like it and dislike it all at the same time. I love not needing a sweater at night but I don't like sweating down my entire body walking to the mailbox. Oh well. I guess I can't complain too much!

Till tomorrow!

Trust me, I'm a Professional

So quick post today since there is a lot going on...

I am tired. I wish I didn't have to climb uphill both ways about silly things.

Boo.

The end.

28

This year so far has been an interesting one. In many ways it has been one of the best years yet. The end of my 27th year was less than stellar and it left me needing more. Just before I turned 28, I realized this and sought to get the emotional help I needed. I saw a therapist until February this year. It really helped me to have a non-basised forum where there was no judgment. I could reflect on things that bothered me and figure out how to move on or change my perspective (usually both) to get to a better place. It helped me immensely and I miss going at times. I know I can call her up and have another session so that's always nice to know.

The reason I mention it is that my reflections in my sessions is helping me shape up to be the Shanel I have always meant to be, but someone I was trying to be. This road will last my whole life but I am glad to have some clarity to see how to navigate it more truly now. Because of this, this year of being 28 has been pretty darn great. During this year I have accomplished some great things: I took my first "girls trip" with my mom, I've made at least 90% of the gifts I've given this year, I've learned to knit, embroider gingham, I tried painting for the first time and two months later painted my first mural, I have my first solid idea for a writing piece and I am actively pursuing it, and I still have three months to go. During that time I hope to keep pushing my boundaries. I am trying Spin for the first time, I am going to continue to sew, craft and try new recipes, and write. I am going on vacation in October so I hope to do some new things then too. Then I am going to round it out with what started me down this path of self empowerment, I am getting my first tattoo.

I have thought about a tattoo since I was in high school. I usually dismissed it knowing my dad would practically disown me if I got one, or at least that was the sentiment around the house. There is something alluring to it, something romantic, something artistic, something so innately expressive, it felt like something I would connect with. As my "About Me" section says, I love all things art. This includes body art. While not all body art is appealing to all, I find some of the pieces I've seen to be truly beautiful. Last Fall, I felt so empowered to embrace the me I wanted to be. At the same time, the tattoo idea I've always had but never could figure out how to do it or wear to put it suddenly became crystal clear. It was almost fated for that moment of moving toward myself would also bring me to something I've thought so much about but shied away from because of others. I knew now that I had a clear idea and I was ready to commit to me, I would not let anyone tell me I couldn't get it. But in the interests of being personally responsible, I gave myself a year to contemplate the idea to make sure I was indeed happy with it. I've worked through the reasons why I am doing it, why I've chosen what I've chosen, why I am placing it where I am, and I have been pretty much positive I am going through with it since month 2. I am proud of myself for keeping my timeframe and the promise I made for myself. It was a personal choice to wait that long. I didn't do it for anyone else. I believe there will/are fringe benefits to waiting: proving to my parents I have thought it through even if they disapprove, giving my future children an example to live by if they are thinking about one to weigh their options seriously, etc. I have full respect for others that have not put that thought into it because it is an individual choice and is made all sorts of ways. I am just proud of myself for being true to myself and what I see for my future.

I believe 29 will be tough but great. I am so proud of my husband who will be graduating in September. It will open a whole new chapter of "us." With him being in school for the length of our relationship, it is going to shake things up a lot. We are both ready to move on, though we are a bit anxious. I know school has been a strain on our relationship and we don't always see eye to eye but I am thankful for it because I've had the chance to grow and learn about myself during those windows of time Jeremy has been working away. I know this has been hard to because I have always been independent and school has only added to this pile. The next chapter will have to be one about relying on each other more and stitching together a life that is slightly split at the moment. It won't be easy but I look forward to encouraging Jeremy the same way he encourages me to try new things, to jump to that next boulder.

If things were always easy, we can't look back and appreciate what beauty came out of it. So thanks 27. Though I don't want to revisit you, you helped shape 28 into being great so far.

Wandering Thoughts

Hello again. I am not quite sure what I want to write about today. I am glad I am staying motivated to write thus far. A whole three days! That's longer than other ventures I've had. I've also been super diligent about increasing my water intake. The last two weeks I had slowly been increasing and now I've had my full 64 oz. a day since Monday (and Saturday I had about 50 so that almost counts too). Water and blogging, maybe that's my magical combination. Who would have guessed?

I have been thinking about my novel idea (I love the pun in there). I've got some key points; character ideas, an extremely loose conflict, the beginnings of the environment, but no resolution. I've never been good at those. That's usually the reason I shelf things. I don't know how to end it. I know the problem or the inspiration for the problem and I just can't decide how to wrap it up. I had another idea for a play that maybe I'll get to someday. I wanted to base it around a portion of Oscar Wilde's novel The Picture of Dorian Gray. Oscar Wilde is pretty much my favorite and his novel is close to the top of my favorite novels as well. I am so intrigued by the portion about Sibyl Vane. This woman is a talented actress because she has to be. She has nothing else in the world (besides her brother) so this talent is born out of that nothingness. Once she has something, a love for Dorian, that talent is no longer needed. It wilts and disappears back into the nothingness from which it sprung. In the novel, Dorian is rejects this and leaves her defeated. Though he realized he was wrong, Sibyl already committed suicide, the burden to large to take.

I wanted to modernize this idea. I wanted to un-romanticize it in a way. I wanted a strong, modern New York actress who, while successful, was still struggling to hold on to her chosen career. I wanted her talent to disappear because of love. I thought of maybe using a love triangle. The safe guy she should be with and the irresistible one she'd lose herself and everything else with. None of it ever quite fit. I had no idea how to get the conflict moving or how to end it.

I'll get there. This is was it is all about! I started out not knowing what I wanted to write about and found something to fill an entry with! Go Day Three!

"Everybody Say Love"

I think I might be a drag queen. Yes, I am a heterosexual biological female but I yearn for all things drag queen. The sparkle, the glam, the cattiness. I love it all. It seems like a license to be the person you've dreamt of being but never had the courage in real life to be. This is where RuPaul's Drag U comes in.

RuPaul is one incredible queen. She has done some much in her career, opened so many doors for those coming after, I truly admire her. Besides being gorgeous and handsome all at once, RuPaul continually teaches me about myself. On RuPaul's Drag U, RuPaul educates biological women about how to embrace that inner diva thus helping them become the women they were meant to be. I would LOVE to be on the show. My appearance and dance skills need less work than the chosen women (who always turn it out once they get to Draguation, werk!) so I doubt I'd make a good episode of TV. The personal empowerment that these ladies get through RuPaul and their Drag Professor, one of the many beautiful queens from RuPaul's Drag Race, is something I envy.

RuPaul famously ends each episode of RuPaul's Drag Race with "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna to love somebody else? Can I get an Amen?" Every episode I shout, "Amen!" to the TV. Every week I listen to her say it and I believe it, but it's hard to act on that. Drag U helps me remember more fully as Ru sits down with each Draguate and discusses her time at Drag U and her past that lead her there. These poor tortured women, beat down by themselves or the cruelty of others. And Ru reminds each of them, "What other people think of me, is not my business." How true and simple.

Ru is full of other fantastic sayings to the same effect. I love how the drag professors add their advise too. They are caring, loving drag mommas taking care of their newest drag sister. I try gleaning what I can from watching. I find myself constantly relating to their advise and trying very hard to remember it later, trying to make their words stick.

So not only do I love drag queens for their wigs, sickening outfits and sassy comebacks, I love drag queens for their true hearts and their loyalty to their drag families. All I have to do is wait for the next season of Drag Race to start!

A Note to my Readers

I truly appreciate all who choose to read my blog. Thank you already for the great feedback on my first post. I want to write a small note before I go too far into this.

I am trying to writing with as much honestly and openness as I can. In the past when I've started things like this up, I worry about who is reading this and if it will be "safe" for the audience to read. I know for a fact I believe things that some family and friends don't. I know for a fact that my beliefs lead to hostile territory for some. And to this point, though I have not been shy to talk about them, I just choose to monitor my openness so I don't injury relationships unnecessarily.

I feel that if I am to do this properly and to get what I am looking for out of this, I have to let it all hang out. My flaws, beliefs, opinions- right or wrong, feelings, passions, observations, the whole gambit has to be out there for the world to see. It is intimidating, but I sense a world of freedom waiting for me once I head in that direction.

So the point of this note is not to apologize or make an excuse for my writing, but more warn those who might be sensitive to some of the topics or conversations I am choosing to have with myself through my writing here. I'm going to go there. I have to be selfish about it this time.

I'd love to have you all on my journey, but I understand those who choose not to. I appreciate you and respect you all the same.

Dipping my toe into the water....

Well, I've tried before but never get very far. I'm telling myself it will be different this time. But what makes it different this time? Is it that I have a long term goal in mind now? Or I finally am drinking more water like I've told myself I must do for five years now, so I must be ready for this?

 For whatever reason, I am here and I am committing. I am going to start my writing blog. For real this time. No foolin'. Here's the catalyst, I have an idea for a novel. It is the first time I have a concise idea for a writing project to date. I know I need to take advantage of it and not let it slip through my fingers. I am still gaining the momentum and courage to put pen to paper or finger to keyboard to write the beginnings of the novel so I thought I should at least be writing every day. Or so famous writers have said I should. Not directly to me, but in their recommendations for other aspiring writers.

So I aim to write something, everyday while I work towards and eventually while I write my novel. I will write about creative things and ideas, but mainly I think I'll end up writing my observations of my world. That is something mildly uncomfortable since I can't imagine who would be interested, but I must remember, that isn't the point. The point is to get me writing. It doesn't matter about what.

I haven't decided how I will handle the blog vs. the novel. I am already brainstorming for it and I am definitely not ready to beginning writing yet. I think I want to keep it private until I decide if I am going to pursue publishing. I might give little tidbits to try out if I get an audience on here. I still am aiming to write something on the blog once a day, even if is to report I did my daily writing on the novel instead.

I know I will miss days and I have to be okay with that too. I think if I can maintain a healthy diligence about this, that is reasonable to start. I read a quote today: "If you want something you've never had before, you've got to do something you've never done before." -Drina Reed. I have never written a novel before. And it is something I truly want.

Here goes nothing!